GOD HATES ME, I HATE GOD

 June is for gathering seeds

new goals are blow my brains out is what new goals are

oh Burrougs, spirit of Genesis P-Orridge,

lady Jaye, son of Nick Cave

come scoop me up

divinely unprotected

this is an unsafe space

drunken designers

hittin on me

I'm half your age

and twice your intelligence

thrice your dick in centimeters

I live on the internet

my every thought sent trough the aether

better laughed at

better forget what's real

than stay alone in this 

shell of a life, I no longer have rights

I'm not a real person

I'm not a real person I'll

never live again

I won't even be

a pretty corpse anymore

Even if I relapse

just a sick, ill, fat junkie

pathetic, and not in a romantic way I

I only write cliches

my poetry is that of a sulking myspace mall goth

think I should blow my brains out I swear I swear 

I'm really gonna do it this time

no tubes in my throat in the gas station bathroom

when I was trying to put air back in my lungs

reality was a glitch, I have PTSD

of fighting for my life back

I remember

trying to scream at the doctors

but I couldn't, no voice

it felt like an hour

inhale INHALE INHALE

and I wouldn't

they put an oxygen mask and it

burned me

the nurse wanted to put narcan in the IV

I said I'm already back, the fuck is this, I don't need it

she said I could fall back asleep again

so I disconnected the drip of it

so it couldn't reach my veins

I wanted to fall back asleep

I wanted to fall back asleep

my garden's full of opium poppy heads, I could

I could, I know I could

I wanna cut until I see the fat in my arm

I wanna bleed until I'm dizzy and 

I wanna rub amphetamines on the scars and I

I wanna fuck somebody that looks diseased

hoping I could catch it, HIV, hepatitis

hell I'd do papiloma virus

ovary cancer sounds nice right now, i

don't need them anyway

my DNA has to never spread at all costs and 

Gods protect any child that comes out of this trash can of a womb

It's where I keep the trauma

outta my head, stuffed

there cozy, it's where I keep the memories

of his dick choking me

while he tells me he would've raped me if he knew me in the first grade

I wanna snort until my nose bleeds, wanna

feel my body getting fucked as I lose consciousness, wanna

be degraded

LOOK HERE'S A WHORE TAKE A VID OF THIS MAN LOOK AT THAT WHORE

DON'T WANT YOUR LOVE

I'll cheat on you to hurt myself

I'll see your face as mine gets stepped on

I'll imagine your voice with the lisp and the accent

telling me to shut up, hold still, take it

I want to hurt myself from every angle possible

but the skin EVERYWHERE is already scar tissue

and it's hard to pierce, can't make myself bleed

each type of pain I've already seen

HEY GOD

BRING IT ON

WHAT THE FUCK AM I HEALING FOR

IF THERE'S WORSE TO COME

SHE DIED IN MY ARMS

AND I DIED IN MY MOTHER'S

WHAT ELSE

WHAT ELSE

HOW DO I HELP BUT PRAY?

TO WHOM?

TO WHOM DO I PRAY NOW?

ALL MY GUARDIAN SPIRITS LEFT 

I'M HERE WITH THE ASHES

OF WHAT COULD'VE BEEN

THE WORST THING ADDICTION DID TO ME

WAS LEAVE ME HERE.

THE WORST THING

IS TO BE THE ONLY ONE LEFT ALIVE.